Post by Two Step on Dec 11, 2010 0:10:27 GMT -5
MY MOST EPIC FR/LR EVER...........fer realz
this was literally me last night
I hit multi numbers last night and not even the cops themselves could stop me from glory. I was a sexual icon.....
So anyways im at this party with daddy and we are getting smashed.Im running around with a surgical mask on and drinking alcoholic whip cream....I relentlessly try and get the mortals at the party suck my cream straight from the can and enjoy the juices....few are interested .I meet this chick. I lay perfect game. I walk up to her with a edition of Twilight new moon and begin reading to her about the hot sex scene between edward and bella... She is getting turned on thinking about vampire dick..she gives me a solid number.....its what happens
Anyways midnight rolls around and me n daddy go to northgate, we got to this electronic dance lounge....and i catch fire
I walk up the these two chicks and tell them they need to meet daddy. Daddy is to drunk to have a conversation with them so i got run this solo. They are both getting bouncy and giddy. We start to dance and i realize im breaking my number one rule
1. If your not dancing on the stage your a faggot
I grab both girls and go front stage of the bar and bring them up there...They want to grind on me....please...that breaks rule number 2
2. Grinding is for queers
I recall the superstar story jeffy tells and instruct the girls to start doing spirit fingers with me in unision on the stage. I then break into the fire fighter dance and instruct them on how to do it. We are now up in front of about of 100 people doing the firefighter dance in unison to kesha...this night could end now and be perfect. One the girls im dancing with is a turbo. Perfect lil ass.. AMAZING BOOBIES...i repeat..AMAZING BOOBIES...like pornstar but not fake
I leap off the stage to go do shots and leave them be.
I take my 4 horsemen like a dying female ferret and then turn around to find boogerface (pornstar boobie girl) shes grinding on some guy....lame....so lame that i must stop it for she is embarassing herself... I pull her away from choda and plant her perfect ass on my dingo. I then start trying to bend her over...she resists at first but eventually gives way to my embarrassing level of drunken persistence.
I am now running my hands up her inner thigh and making out with her neck
(we are the only people dancing in the club right now by the way.....its kinda more of a bar lol....WHATEVER DANCEFLOOR GAME BRAHS)
Spin her around and shes giggling like a nerd...i love nerds....I go for the makeout...fail....try again...fail....plant my leg between hers and shes starts getting really turned on and tells me im a amazing dancer
I AM NOT A GOOD DANCER.....I either do spirit fingers or hump shit
As we are getting hot and heavy her roomate is leaving....she has to go and its really early in the night. She gives me her number...im like wtf am i suppost to with this....I CANT DAY 2 in college station
I tell her im from austraila and im leaving tommorrow so we have to hang out tonight...she agrees...(this is pretty weak shit, girls always agree by the way)
Im kinda pissed
I go up to this groups of chicks...they ignore me...they must not know who i am....i speak very loudly till they pay attention to me...they clearly do not want to speak with me....i probably smell bad. This same instance happens in the next 3 sets....im officially immune to blow outs
I find this sexy enough chick. Open with something really really stupid, i forgot what it was. Run the i used to have a gf with your name routine, tell her she has alot of ground to make up. She is now very close to me and we are holding hands, my boner is clearly touching her. She start saying i need to buy her a drink. I tell her shes fucking stupid. She trys to act offended and tells me im useless.....I tell her if shes a good kisser i might get her a drink...she says she does not kiss guys she just met at bars...I then tell her she sucks at getting drinks....she tells me she is amazing at it and can get any guy her to buy her a drink.
ORLY? I tell her she needs to find a chode to buy us both drinks. As i say this i take her drink out her hand and down it. She literally gets pissed and i look at her like shes insane. She then realizes that in my reality be a flaming idiot is the norm.....And shes in it
She finds this chode and is all over him...apparently being a whore gets drinks. As he attempts to hit on her as he by her drinks i grab her ass and pretty much finger her butt. She tries not to the notice. Chode has choda vision and doesnt see. She walks off with chode and i try and claw her back...she resist because she wants me to dominate her fucking ass... I let her chill for a minute and then find her from choda and headlock her away. Apparently choda only got her 1 drinks...so it must be the one for me...i take this from her and drink it as well
This time she seems to get really turned on by it... She then tells me get her drinks...i do the good kisser thing again.... She says no..i say u must be a really shitty kisser
Boom we are making out
I bite the SHIT out of her lip because shes been such a bitch. I think i taste blood. I am also squeezing her ass in a way that my fingers are basically on her pussy. She make one last attempt to act my behavior is out of line and i just tell her danm she is a good kisser and order 4 horsemen
I then start talking about how hungry i am. She says she hungry tooo.............zomg
CLAW OUT THE DOOR
Happy yogurt is kinda far, but im a man of tradition
She get yogurtrized and gives me her number after whiles shes playing with my dick
SWEET BITCH BACK TO THE BAR
When i get back to the bar me n this chick do more horrible things to eachother. As im dry humping her on the dance floor i grab another chicks and start beasting on her. Turns out ive made out with this girl before. I attempt a 3 way make out multiple times...Fails...Anyways i get bored and walk off
I beast on more chicks and see some nasty blow outs. I see two girls dancing, i turn around and then violently attack them with my ass... They dig it and lick one of their faces
Bars starting to close... i go outside to smoke...There is this HOT girl dancing by herself outside...I approach with "you look like such a dork right now"
Her response, while giving me the i want to fuck u eyes "lol are you trying to pick me up"
I say "yes" and then pick her up wedding style and off we go to happy yogurt. I carry her for about two blocks and tell her we are going to get something to eat. Shes really turned on cuz shes my total bitch. She then askes me what my sign is. Gemini. She starts getting all bubbly cuz shes a gemini too...AWWW ITS MEANT TO BEEEEEEE
We get to HY and its closed, really making my case tough...whatever...hey come see this shit i drew on the wall behind it
So shes playing with my dick and we are making n shit. I pushing her head down telling her shed look sexy with my dick in her mouth. She tells me she loves to suck dick. Then her phone rings, before i can take it out her hands she answers. Her ride is leaving....She has to go...i zip up my pants and never talk to her again
So i meet up with 2 of my best girlFRIENDS andro and cateye and i decide im gonna go chill with them at their place. They are both freakishly hot girls but also the SHIT as friends so this purely innocent. I dont creep on my friends
anyways me and andro are playing pokemon stadium on her n64 when my phone starts ringing.........who could be calling at this hour
I dont save numbers in my phone by names because im lazy so i dont know it is. Its a girls voice and she askes me what im doing. I dont know who it is but i tell her im just chilling. She says she liked seeing me and im like umm coool. I then start telling whoever it is im goin back to austraila tommorrow for my job at google and that this is the last time we can hang out...so it was nice meeting you
after a pause she askes me what im doing. I tell her wishing i was having amazing sex with her and start talking really dirty. I tell her she needs to come pick me up in front of a bar down the street.
I get up tell andro i love her dearly but i must go on a adventure
So im sprinting through the streets of college station when a near fatal incident occurse. I run out in front of a cop car. im hoping hes not
From behind me I hear him yell GET ON THE CURB...fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently some guy just beat the shit out of his gf in the apartments i was sprinting from and he thinks its me...fuuuuuck. he askes why i was running and i go really present thinking of a story manwhore told. I tell him im meeting a girl in front of this bar. Just then the girl calls me....
Im like.....doooooood...cmon....thank god he has a dick he smirks and is like okay whatever get the fuck out of her...i almost hug him.
I sprint to this bar just as these two girls pull up
.........goooooo fucking figure one of the girls is boogerface (pornstar boobs) and im like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs....CHAMPIONNNNNNNSSSSSS
I get in the car and boogerface is just smiling at me. Me and her roomate make bffs. We go back to their place and they smoke and we watch american dad
Ive become pretty good buddies with the roomate in the time ive been there. I look at booger face who is adorably curled up in my arms (she is adorable.....Yes...) and the look back at roomie.. Roomie smiles and gets up and says " WOOOOOOW IM SO TIRED,, you guys look tired to you two should go to sleep"
Dont have to tell me twice
Me and boogerface go into her room and I have one of the best nights ive ever had with a girl.... Not only is she a turbo but she one of the coolest chicks ive met in forever. We wake up cuddling the next morning...yes i can cherish sometimes... i have a soul
Then im off to austraila =P
I do not endorse lying to girls to get laid... i do however endorse it for comical reasons which is why i do it...cuz being a austrailian googleteer is sweet
Wrap Up
Working for google=intercourse
this was literally me last night
I hit multi numbers last night and not even the cops themselves could stop me from glory. I was a sexual icon.....
So anyways im at this party with daddy and we are getting smashed.Im running around with a surgical mask on and drinking alcoholic whip cream....I relentlessly try and get the mortals at the party suck my cream straight from the can and enjoy the juices....few are interested .I meet this chick. I lay perfect game. I walk up to her with a edition of Twilight new moon and begin reading to her about the hot sex scene between edward and bella... She is getting turned on thinking about vampire dick..she gives me a solid number.....its what happens
Anyways midnight rolls around and me n daddy go to northgate, we got to this electronic dance lounge....and i catch fire
I walk up the these two chicks and tell them they need to meet daddy. Daddy is to drunk to have a conversation with them so i got run this solo. They are both getting bouncy and giddy. We start to dance and i realize im breaking my number one rule
1. If your not dancing on the stage your a faggot
I grab both girls and go front stage of the bar and bring them up there...They want to grind on me....please...that breaks rule number 2
2. Grinding is for queers
I recall the superstar story jeffy tells and instruct the girls to start doing spirit fingers with me in unision on the stage. I then break into the fire fighter dance and instruct them on how to do it. We are now up in front of about of 100 people doing the firefighter dance in unison to kesha...this night could end now and be perfect. One the girls im dancing with is a turbo. Perfect lil ass.. AMAZING BOOBIES...i repeat..AMAZING BOOBIES...like pornstar but not fake
I leap off the stage to go do shots and leave them be.
I take my 4 horsemen like a dying female ferret and then turn around to find boogerface (pornstar boobie girl) shes grinding on some guy....lame....so lame that i must stop it for she is embarassing herself... I pull her away from choda and plant her perfect ass on my dingo. I then start trying to bend her over...she resists at first but eventually gives way to my embarrassing level of drunken persistence.
I am now running my hands up her inner thigh and making out with her neck
(we are the only people dancing in the club right now by the way.....its kinda more of a bar lol....WHATEVER DANCEFLOOR GAME BRAHS)
Spin her around and shes giggling like a nerd...i love nerds....I go for the makeout...fail....try again...fail....plant my leg between hers and shes starts getting really turned on and tells me im a amazing dancer
I AM NOT A GOOD DANCER.....I either do spirit fingers or hump shit
As we are getting hot and heavy her roomate is leaving....she has to go and its really early in the night. She gives me her number...im like wtf am i suppost to with this....I CANT DAY 2 in college station
I tell her im from austraila and im leaving tommorrow so we have to hang out tonight...she agrees...(this is pretty weak shit, girls always agree by the way)
Im kinda pissed
I go up to this groups of chicks...they ignore me...they must not know who i am....i speak very loudly till they pay attention to me...they clearly do not want to speak with me....i probably smell bad. This same instance happens in the next 3 sets....im officially immune to blow outs
I find this sexy enough chick. Open with something really really stupid, i forgot what it was. Run the i used to have a gf with your name routine, tell her she has alot of ground to make up. She is now very close to me and we are holding hands, my boner is clearly touching her. She start saying i need to buy her a drink. I tell her shes fucking stupid. She trys to act offended and tells me im useless.....I tell her if shes a good kisser i might get her a drink...she says she does not kiss guys she just met at bars...I then tell her she sucks at getting drinks....she tells me she is amazing at it and can get any guy her to buy her a drink.
ORLY? I tell her she needs to find a chode to buy us both drinks. As i say this i take her drink out her hand and down it. She literally gets pissed and i look at her like shes insane. She then realizes that in my reality be a flaming idiot is the norm.....And shes in it
She finds this chode and is all over him...apparently being a whore gets drinks. As he attempts to hit on her as he by her drinks i grab her ass and pretty much finger her butt. She tries not to the notice. Chode has choda vision and doesnt see. She walks off with chode and i try and claw her back...she resist because she wants me to dominate her fucking ass... I let her chill for a minute and then find her from choda and headlock her away. Apparently choda only got her 1 drinks...so it must be the one for me...i take this from her and drink it as well
This time she seems to get really turned on by it... She then tells me get her drinks...i do the good kisser thing again.... She says no..i say u must be a really shitty kisser
Boom we are making out
I bite the SHIT out of her lip because shes been such a bitch. I think i taste blood. I am also squeezing her ass in a way that my fingers are basically on her pussy. She make one last attempt to act my behavior is out of line and i just tell her danm she is a good kisser and order 4 horsemen
I then start talking about how hungry i am. She says she hungry tooo.............zomg
CLAW OUT THE DOOR
Happy yogurt is kinda far, but im a man of tradition
She get yogurtrized and gives me her number after whiles shes playing with my dick
SWEET BITCH BACK TO THE BAR
When i get back to the bar me n this chick do more horrible things to eachother. As im dry humping her on the dance floor i grab another chicks and start beasting on her. Turns out ive made out with this girl before. I attempt a 3 way make out multiple times...Fails...Anyways i get bored and walk off
I beast on more chicks and see some nasty blow outs. I see two girls dancing, i turn around and then violently attack them with my ass... They dig it and lick one of their faces
Bars starting to close... i go outside to smoke...There is this HOT girl dancing by herself outside...I approach with "you look like such a dork right now"
Her response, while giving me the i want to fuck u eyes "lol are you trying to pick me up"
I say "yes" and then pick her up wedding style and off we go to happy yogurt. I carry her for about two blocks and tell her we are going to get something to eat. Shes really turned on cuz shes my total bitch. She then askes me what my sign is. Gemini. She starts getting all bubbly cuz shes a gemini too...AWWW ITS MEANT TO BEEEEEEE
We get to HY and its closed, really making my case tough...whatever...hey come see this shit i drew on the wall behind it
So shes playing with my dick and we are making n shit. I pushing her head down telling her shed look sexy with my dick in her mouth. She tells me she loves to suck dick. Then her phone rings, before i can take it out her hands she answers. Her ride is leaving....She has to go...i zip up my pants and never talk to her again
So i meet up with 2 of my best girlFRIENDS andro and cateye and i decide im gonna go chill with them at their place. They are both freakishly hot girls but also the SHIT as friends so this purely innocent. I dont creep on my friends
anyways me and andro are playing pokemon stadium on her n64 when my phone starts ringing.........who could be calling at this hour
I dont save numbers in my phone by names because im lazy so i dont know it is. Its a girls voice and she askes me what im doing. I dont know who it is but i tell her im just chilling. She says she liked seeing me and im like umm coool. I then start telling whoever it is im goin back to austraila tommorrow for my job at google and that this is the last time we can hang out...so it was nice meeting you
after a pause she askes me what im doing. I tell her wishing i was having amazing sex with her and start talking really dirty. I tell her she needs to come pick me up in front of a bar down the street.
I get up tell andro i love her dearly but i must go on a adventure
So im sprinting through the streets of college station when a near fatal incident occurse. I run out in front of a cop car. im hoping hes not
From behind me I hear him yell GET ON THE CURB...fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently some guy just beat the shit out of his gf in the apartments i was sprinting from and he thinks its me...fuuuuuck. he askes why i was running and i go really present thinking of a story manwhore told. I tell him im meeting a girl in front of this bar. Just then the girl calls me....
Im like.....doooooood...cmon....thank god he has a dick he smirks and is like okay whatever get the fuck out of her...i almost hug him.
I sprint to this bar just as these two girls pull up
.........goooooo fucking figure one of the girls is boogerface (pornstar boobs) and im like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs....CHAMPIONNNNNNNSSSSSS
I get in the car and boogerface is just smiling at me. Me and her roomate make bffs. We go back to their place and they smoke and we watch american dad
Ive become pretty good buddies with the roomate in the time ive been there. I look at booger face who is adorably curled up in my arms (she is adorable.....Yes...) and the look back at roomie.. Roomie smiles and gets up and says " WOOOOOOW IM SO TIRED,, you guys look tired to you two should go to sleep"
Dont have to tell me twice
Me and boogerface go into her room and I have one of the best nights ive ever had with a girl.... Not only is she a turbo but she one of the coolest chicks ive met in forever. We wake up cuddling the next morning...yes i can cherish sometimes... i have a soul
Then im off to austraila =P
I do not endorse lying to girls to get laid... i do however endorse it for comical reasons which is why i do it...cuz being a austrailian googleteer is sweet
Wrap Up
Working for google=intercourse