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Post by BROner on Jan 9, 2011 4:37:07 GMT -5
so this is just basically a rant, but any input is appreciated. was originally gonna make this a note and then post it tomorrow, but im on my itouch now so figured i would(sorry if my spelling gets all fucked). anyhoo, 5 months ago i broke up with my ex. after moving on with life, i seem to have shit together. im finally breaking out of my socially conditioned shell and doing whats right for me, and also talking to new people a lot. yet, with all this, i still seem to think about my ex gf several times and end up missing her a few as well(however, doesnt seem out of the norm considering how big of an impact she had on my life-more details on that in my soon-to-be-published fiekd report journal). now the weird thing to me is i always seem to compare other girls to her and instantly my attention gets perked when i see a girl that slightly reminds me of her. for example, saw a tan chick that was kinda thick with a nice ass and curly hair and instantly turned my attention to her JUST BECAUSE SHE REMINDED ME OF MY EX. same thing when i was looking at porn(fell into a relapse, but been doing pretty good at stopping that), found a chick that resembled my ex almost perfectly body wise and then was obsessing over trying to find it again.
my question is: how do i get past this, and is this normal for a first love(whether you believe in love or not)? i seem to be making so much progress in other areas only to be held short here and not growing as fast as i could. its like this subconcious desire to get back with her in the future no matter how much i tell myself to just move on, and it wont let me forget.
i dont want to be "thay guy", but this is getting rediculous and i need to get past it. just thought of something, could the fact that i havent even kissed a girl since we broke up(bad logistics-not being able to hang out with guaranteed lays cause of parents- and being too pussy to get beyond just a little physical at school) be a part of it?
again sorry for being that guy. i hate reading these posts too, but i wanted to hear some input from guys i respect
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Post by MassiveRay on Jan 9, 2011 12:11:04 GMT -5
You've hit the nail on the head mate, the only reason you still feel like this is because you haven't moved on.
Sometimes when you start to make progress in other areas, such as you with being a sociable guy you start to wonder why other areas aren't up to the same level and begin to obsess, it's called replacement theory, when people lose something, even if it's something they don't want they miss it until it has a sufficient emotional replacement in their life. This replacement for you would be................GIRLS!!!
About the logistical problems, I have read two steps entire fr thread in the past few weeks and don't think the guy has ever had sex in an actual bed, pull to other convenient places and don't mke excuses.
As soon as you start getting other girls, this girl will just become one of them, a memory.
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Post by obsidian on Jan 9, 2011 18:35:54 GMT -5
At age 17, things like this happen. I had a similar instance right before I turned 17 where I broke up with the girl I had been seeing for a year roughly.
I'm 20 now and roughly 30 girls later, I don't even care. I barely remember anything about her and when I do, I have no emotional connection to them. It's like looking through somebody else's pictures.
Don't worry. At age 17, you will see such enormous changes in your life and personality that this girl will be washed under a tide of time.
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Post by Two Step on Jan 10, 2011 12:25:07 GMT -5
At age 17, things like this happen. I had a similar instance right before I turned 17 where I broke up with the girl I had been seeing for a year roughly. I'm 20 now and roughly 30 girls later, I don't even care. I barely remember anything about her and when I do, I have no emotional connection to them. It's like looking through somebody else's pictures. Don't worry. At age 17, you will see such enormous changes in your life and personality that this girl will be washed under a tide of time.
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Post by BROner on Jan 10, 2011 17:58:58 GMT -5
You've hit the nail on the head mate, the only reason you still feel like this is because you haven't moved on. Sometimes when you start to make progress in other areas, such as you with being a sociable guy you start to wonder why other areas aren't up to the same level and begin to obsess, it's called replacement theory, when people lose something, even if it's something they don't want they miss it until it has a sufficient emotional replacement in their life. This replacement for you would be................GIRLS!!! About the logistical problems, I have read two steps entire fr thread in the past few weeks and don't think the guy has ever had sex in an actual bed, pull to other convenient places and don't mke excuses. As soon as you start getting other girls, this girl will just become one of them, a memory. As I thought. Thanks man. And the logistics wasn't the right word. I'm not worried so much about WHERE to fuck them-hell I'd do it on a fucking park bench, idgaf- but the fact my parents are super controlling. It was a huge deal for them to let me go get ice cream with my ex. They will not allow me to go to the movies alone with a girl(and I don't want to make a friend 3rd wheel for me, not cool) and I would honestly shit myself if they let me go to a girls house for a few hours as it's hard enough to go over to a friends house to chill. Not going to let that stop me at all, but just saying it's a little bit harder than finding somewhere to fuck em. obsidian: crazy, me and my ex had been involved for over a year, only together for a few months, and broke up just over a month before I turned 17. Thanks again guys. I knew the answer already, but just needed to hear it again from outside source. you guys rock
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Post by BROner on Jan 12, 2011 2:06:34 GMT -5
i made a really stupid choice that ended up being an amazing one. went on myspace, saw my exs profile on my stream and clicked on it. decided what the fuck, this hurts bad enough why not look at her old pics. then after the adrenaline surge slowed down, i realized something: hey, even though i still " love her" (dunno what else you could call it), im not blinded by my love.... she really isnt as hot as i remember. then it clicked. shit happens for a reason, and you better learn from it. took me 6 fucking months, but i got it now. no matter how much it hurts at times is better to just keep moving forward and i need to find that love aka intimate relationship we had thru deep friendships with a few people and making close friends out of lots more thank you guys again so much for the help. sorry for shitty grammar. hard enough to spell on this fucking touch
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Post by obsidian on Jan 12, 2011 19:00:00 GMT -5
The disillusioning will progress.
Pick up a new skill or activity. This cannot be understated.
When I was 17 and that girl removed herself from her life, I had free reign. I switched from my dirtbike to my street bike and I began to produce music in a serious context.
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